Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I AM VODKA MAN
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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