my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
