I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
