I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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