I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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