On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize