So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
