I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
