Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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