I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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