I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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