She is in my trunk
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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