I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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