The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize