The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
