sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
