btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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