what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
