I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish I only lived at night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
