Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
