Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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