I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
