You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
