smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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