What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
