I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
How naked do you want me to be?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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