1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize