the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
