I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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