State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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