Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
