why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
