I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
