so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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