Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
