Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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