like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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