Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
