Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
