also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
