For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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