woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
