final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
