Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
