none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
