I am in a vortex of obligation.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
