Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
