i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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