Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
