Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
