i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
