i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
