take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
