how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
