wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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