My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
