It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
