she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
