so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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