I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
