I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
