take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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