not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
