i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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