Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
