i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
