THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
