i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
