you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
