Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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