so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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