The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
