The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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