Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
