sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I didn't notice because vodka
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I could fuck to npr.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
